halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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