Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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