I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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