You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
