I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
