I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
