Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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