My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
