I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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