plz talk dirty to me
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
