He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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