so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
