Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
