I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
