He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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