you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
