I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
