Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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