jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize