so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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