I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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