I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
