Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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