I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
