I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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