it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
