Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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