My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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