I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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