I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
