Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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