kristin has been a bad kristin
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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