I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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