Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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