Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
