i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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