If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
