i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize