Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize