If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
