Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
