Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
