Slut skills are useful in every country.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
