I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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