my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
