I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
