your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
