i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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