Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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