I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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