You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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