Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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