Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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