shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
