Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
