It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize