My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
