i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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