Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
