9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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