do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
