i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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