Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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