Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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