i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
