I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
