is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
