The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
