Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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