i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
