I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize