OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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