Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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