I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
