Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I could have mohawked her pubes.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
