I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
