She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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