Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
