you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
