i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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