She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
