This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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