Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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