i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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