thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
