you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
