I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
