I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
