You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
