i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
