Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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