the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
