Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
