after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize