He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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