the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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