she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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