dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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