I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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