I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize