i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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