My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
